Glastonbury Essentials: Men vs. Women

Just as a pre-warning, this is totally sexist, but to clear it up, my wife did think of 90% of the women's ones. It's all just a laugh! Enjoy!

Men

Socks

Some kind of tool

This Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife should be perfect. Has great reviews, including this one:

 "A few of the features let it down a little:

• The motorbike function gets appalling miles to the gallon.
• The quantum teleporter is decidedly inaccurate. I set it for Paris and ended up just south of Chorley.
• The trombone needs tuning every time you get it out.
• The tent is incomplete and collapsed twice on me last week.
• The home brewery kit works, and the beer tastes fine. The wine making kit however, is a little too robust for a merlot.
• The satellite dish attachment struggles to connect to the projector.
• Changing the volume on the record player is awkward, and the DJ booth isn't nearly big enough to fit more than 3 people in.
• The paper shredder can't manage a full book without breaking.
• Siri is very unreliable.
• The oil dispenser is jammed shut.
• The sword is cursed.
• And the 12,000 piece jigsaw is missing a piece.

It's also far too easy to get the tools confused. I was going for a small picnic spoon, and accidentally bazooka'd my fruit loops.

And to top it all off, since I updated it to iOS7, it's been running slowly and my cat won't go near it.

Otherwise great!"

Beer Hat

Beer

Beer

More Beer

Women

Female Urine Director (possibly the worst job ever!?)

 

Yes, a fake penis! Although men's aren't detachable (easily).

Make up

Fake tan

For that sexy orange glow that people love.

73 Outfits

 Because 72 just isn't enough.

Transparent rain mac

 So you can see your 73 outfits!

12 Hats

 Just in case.

6 Pairs of shoes

 Oh and maybe those ones with the strappy bit, ok 7 pairs.

Something totally inappropriate for Glastonbury

*no fish were harmed in the making of this shoe

You never know!

Spare outfits

Some sort of floral headband

 For the times you're not wearing one of your hats.

Too many sunglasses

We know we have too many, but they're just all our favourite ones.

More outfits

Will definitely need them. They're essential.

Full length mirror

 Absolute godsend!

Tiny bags

It's not about practicality, it's about style.

Glitter

OMERGEERRRG GLIDDER!!

 Loads of really big necklaces

And maybe schedule in some neck exercises at the gym beforehand.

Hair straighteners

I'll find a power socket I'm sure.

Hair dryer

Maybe I can plug it into a tree?

Curlers

They'll heat up on the stove for sure.

Some more clothes

That top I never wear and don't fit into and goes with nothing else I own could one day possibly if I am in the right light and change my mind, it might be PERFECT for Glastonbury!